Dead Note
by CreamCheeseAlchemist
Summary: Deadpool matches wits with Light Yagami.


Deadpool is a Marvel Comics property created by Rob Liefeld and Fabian Nicieza

Death Note is a Shonen Jump property created by Tsugumi Ooba and Takeshi Obata. Not mine not mine not mine. Parody

Also, this is merely a theory on how you might be able to circumvent the Death Note. I cannot ensure this will work should you somehow come across a real Death Note.

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"So this sugar junkie tells me you're Kira possibly. And you looked so innocent in those High School Musical movies..."

"My name is Light Yagami."

"I would expect that kinda name from the kid of American hippies, but not a Japanese policeman and his wife... Granted, Wade's not the coolest name either, but why wouldn't your parents name you whatever is Japanese for Light... I think it's Hikari?"

"That's a girls' name."

"Ok, whatever the male version is, if there is one...."

"Hikaru."

"Chatty, aren't you?"

"If you shut up, I'll share my potato chips."

"...It's probably not the best thing for my cancer but..."

*Crunch, crunch crunch* Deadpool stares at Light and tilts his head.

Light glares at Deadpool, "What is it?"

"Liiiight, did you know your last name spelled backwards is 'I'm a gay'. At least Wilson comes off as sporty, what with the ball company and that movie- did you see it with Tom Hanks on the island and..."

Light drowns out the next two hours of conversation- no, scratch that, Deadpool's endless blather. He envies Ryuk's ability to leave the room. The Shinigami doesn't have to worry about sneaking past the costumed swordsman who won't shut up. Light is desperate.

"Um, that's very interesting..."

"I know, right? I mean, how come Hasbro hasn't gotten to an Ackmena figure yet?"

Light's attempt at smiling looks strained but Deadpool seems not to notice. "I have to go to the bathroom, if you don't mind."

"Same here."

"Great!"

Deadpool doesn't wait outside for Light, but comes in with him and keeps on blabbing. "Mind if I take off my mask?"

Light jumps off the toilet, trying to keep a casual expression on his face. "Sure." He walks out slowly, trying to 'accidentally' see the other man's face. It is the last piece he needs to kill the pest. And it is a face he will never forget- ravaged by scars and disease.

Deadpool plops down on Light's bed, "You know, you're the first person not to look away the first time." Light freezes, the pen barely off the Death Note. Does he suspect? It is seconds before the Death Note will take effect and to Light's relief, Deadpool makes some comments about Light being a good friend to him and some inanity about Dick Cheney and the Temple of Doom and...

Time's up. He can hear the slurring in Deadpool's speech. Light wheels his chair around to face him, a smug look on his face. Deadpool's hand is reaching towards his heart, his legs are wobbling and then his hand stabs into his own chest cavity.

Light watches in horror as Deadpool's hand pulls out a cream-colored artificial heart covered in blood and sinew. His other hand fumbles with one of his pouches. "Catch!" Deadpool calls out as his spare hand tosses the fake heart to Light.

"You don't look so good," Deadpool finds his real heart and places it inside the gaping hole in his chest. Light's face is ashen and his hair wet against his sweating face, "Are you going to kill me?"

The healing effect is already at work. Deadpool shrugs, "No one's got a bounty on you, not yet. That L guy wants to do it all by himself. So, make an offer. I think I've proven your naughty list doesn't work on me."

Light looks calmer, but not by much, "I suspect I won't be able to offer your usual rate."

Deadpool yawns, "Yeah, I figured as much. But maybe we can work something out...I don't see any pictures of your girlfriend in your room..."

"Your chances are better if you leave town together." At this point, Light's reserved demeanor is frayed- a slight shudder from the image of sitting in a room with both Misa and Deadpool.

Ryuk returns to Light's room, finding the floor a bright red like that of apples. "So what did I miss?"

Deadpool scratches at the almost filled-in chest hole.

THE END


End file.
